If you and your spouse disagree on major issues, you may assume mediation is no longer an option. However, that is not always true. Many couples choose mediation because they need help settling difficult issues, not because they already agree on the outcome.
Mediation brings you and your spouse together to discuss the issues you disagree on with the help of a neutral mediator. The mediator guides the conversation but does not decide the outcome. Instead, you and your spouse decide whether to accept a proposed agreement.
Mediation helps resolve disagreements
You do not have to settle your disputes before mediation begins. The purpose of mediation is to help you and your spouse work through contested issues one at a time. Common topics discussed during mediation include:
- Division of the family home and other marital property
- Allocation of retirement accounts and marital debts
- Parenting schedules and parenting responsibilities
- Whether spousal maintenance is appropriate
- Other matters related to the divorce
A mediator guides the discussion but does not make decisions for either spouse. You and your spouse decide whether to accept a proposed agreement.
When mediation is more likely to work
Many couples begin mediation with major disagreements and still reach agreements. What usually makes the biggest difference is how both spouses approach the process. Factors that can support productive discussions include:
- Participating voluntarily
- Sharing complete and accurate financial information
- Remaining open to reasonable compromise
- Focusing on resolving disputed issues
Some people choose to have an attorney represent or advise them during mediation. The mediator remains neutral throughout the process whether either spouse has legal representation or not.
When mediation may not be the right choice
Mediation does not suit every divorce. For example, the process may not work as intended if one spouse refuses to negotiate honestly, conceals financial information or uses intimidation to influence discussions. Cases involving domestic abuse may also require a different legal process because personal safety and fair participation can become concerns.
These circumstances do not automatically rule out mediation, but they may require a different approach.
Mediation gives you a voice in the outcome
You do not have to agree on everything before choosing mediation. Many couples begin the process with disagreements about finances, parenting or property. What mediation offers is an opportunity to discuss those issues together instead of asking a judge to decide them.
No process can guarantee an agreement, and mediation will not suit every divorce. When both spouses are willing to participate in good faith, however, mediation can provide more opportunities to shape the final outcome through discussion and compromise rather than a court decision.